Scams/Disreputable


Doug could be described by facts and stats. Born at a specific time somewhere of a determined weight; but Doug's story wasn't quantifiable. A biographer would know these sorts of informations but I am no biographer.

Our first meeting was near the dishwasher Raymond at Huber's Cafe, Portland's oldest restaurant, where we had both gotten jobs bussing tables. Marginal bussing abilities was one of our many shared interests. The atrophy of more deserving wait-staff meant Doug was promoted to lunch time server in little time. I soon followed.

We were untouchable, in terms of the downtown lunch crowd. Yoko, the oldest server in Portland's oldest restaurant, would highlight the names of whoever was late. One day Doug no-showed for his shift and got his name scratched out.

Doug finally showed up during the end of his shift. Doug lied about his whereabouts and to James, the owner, who fired him. Doug and I became better friends after we stopped working together. We would meet for coffee with one of us on time and the other running a half hour late. I would see Doug running with floppy shoelaces, holding nylon shorts across the wet grass at Laurelhurst Park or he would spot me running a quick red light, dragging an inside foot as I turn towards the Stumptown on SE Belmont Street; but one of us is always late.

We get coffee or shoot hoops and never keep score, sometimes even pretending to work on motorcycles when we really just waste time before going to Javiers 24-hour Mexican restaurant. Doug went even so far as to suggestion we open a shop called: "Doug and Sean's Half-assed Driveway Honda Repair...Find us in the Yellow Pages under Scams/Disreputable."

Fun Doug facts:
He has two motorcycles; neither run
He write press releases with negative comments about the group he's promoting
We recently played basketball against two teenagers at Laurelhurst Park, in a Spring mist. Despite one kid having absolutely no ball handling skills, we lost 9 to 11; but won a solid victory 21 to 17 in the extended game.

This is the only picture I have and proves that he exists.
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