I didn't ask for her number because I wanted it


I asked because I was afraid to ask. If everyday is a microcosm of my existence then the boundaries must be pushed daily. That means I read, write, photograph, call friends and family, generate article ideas and revenue seven days a week.

Its not for the faint hearted or weak willed. Sometimes when I tempt fate too much and push the boundaries too deep a vile sickness swells in my stomach and I feel like vomiting. When the specter of the infirmary grazes my head I don't know it at the time but when I get off that motorbike and my legs get wobbly and refuse to stand, I realize that I pushed too hard too fast.

So besides exceeding reasonable speed limits and asking strange woman for their number even though I have no intention of ever calling, I also engage in contacting authors of books or articles I enjoyed and ask to meet them or favors from people who have never met me.

Sometimes this need to conquer fears feels like its overtaking me and although the exercise is meant to empower if this empowering exercise is endangering me as much as its liberating me, is that progress?

I leave the library racing my shadow on a light-less bicycle through Portland's ill-lit street as fast as my legs can peddle and run a long yellow light as I tell myself, "Its for my own good."
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