The refrigerator is no place for food

At least not where I live. Each morning I wake up and peer inside only to find a little less food than the previous day. That same shriveled head of red cabbage I have been eating on for nearly two weeks. The only thing of great number in my fridge is film. Care for some 100 speed Fuji Superia Reala? I would ask this if I ever invited someone over.

Not to your liking, than consider some Fuji Pro 400h to go with that big glass of water. I go entire days without eating but I have a strange obsession with looking at food; visually sampling the meal. At restaurants, waiters will ask to take my plate, "No," I inevitably respond, "I'm still watching."

What can be done with a half-rotten tomato I wonder. Throwing the food out is not an option so I either eat the rotten food or simply look at until it turns into something other than food, which I don't mind throwing out. There is over $50 worth of film and less than $5 in food in my kitchen. How do I want my water today, tepid or cold?

Anybody with a drawer full of spices and a fridge full of ingredients can make food, but a true artisan can fashion a meal out of quinoa (pronounced Keen-wA) and salt. The potatoes are getting gross and I will throw them away but how long can I sustain on wilted carrots and oatmeal? This self-inflicted experiment, similar to that carried out by the Japanese at Unit 731 in WWII, will test my mettle and my body's ability to convert bacteria to nutrients.

So for those coming over to my house feel free to have a second helping of Fuji Superia 200, a daylight color negative film, but just don't expect food. The fridge is no place for something to eat.